High Hopes - No matter what your opinion on Pink Floyd and their frequent hissy fits over the years, you can't deny that they wrote some beautiful poetry. This story is inspired by the Pink Floyd song of the same name, from the album The Division Bell; in particular, the line "Encumbered forever by desire and ambition, there's a hunger still unsatisfied". I prefer to write humorous stories, like Straight Arrow, and there will be more of those. High Hopes is pretty sober and also has an open ending, something else alien to me. As the subject is probably popular, it has doubtless been done a thousand times better by someone else, but this kind of maudling has to come out of a writer at some point, why not now?
The waste ground behind the old factory was perfect for the reunion. Far enough away from any other house or main road, and nobody close enough to care about Health and Safety; nobody, it seemed, could be bothered hiring a security firm for a near burnt out building and a field populated with rabbits; they lit a small fire made from the firewood they had bought from the services on the motorway.
They had unwrapped some toasting forks and sausages from the same service station and had proceeded to make their supper. Tess held hers awkwardly, holding it over her crossed ankles at just the right distance so that it would cook, but not turn to charcoal in seconds. Paul, who always seemed prepared, even before spontaneous acts such as this one, had found a few old bricks and he rested his fork across these at a reasonable angle, although he would have to adjust the position from time to time. Andy, though, was the perfect Boy Scout; he had found a large stick just the right length, and with a fork at the end, and all he had to do was to trim it a little with his knife to make the perfect resting place at exactly the right angle.
They smiled at each other, giggling occasionally. They felt like naughty kids again, but all three of them were well into their thirties.
“Twenty, shit, no, twenty-five years, this place hasn’t changed a bit.” Andy said.
Paul turned his fork over. “Seemed bigger then, didn’t it? You’d thought some retail conglomerate would have snapped up this land though? Must be worth something?”
“Too far away from anything I should think.” Tess looked around, although there was little to see in the fading light. “When it was a factory, there was a village nearby. Then the motorway came, the factory closed, the village went.”
"Real estate, then, surely?" Paul turned over his fork as the meat was starting to spit.
"No," sighed Tess, "Too many planning regulations, apparently the archaeology alone will cost a fortune." The both stared at her. "Hey, I've had a few clients that have expressed an interest, I know a little about it, okay?" she retorted.
"Contract would be worth thousands, maybe millions." mused Paul.
"Ah, almost forgot!" Andy exclaimed, and he reached into his rucksack and pulled out a tape recorder. The other two stared at it, puzzled, and Andy pressed Play.
As would be expected of a tape over twenty years old, it was muffled and crackly. However, there was no mistaking the voices on that tape, and they were probably recorded on the same piece of waste ground they were sitting at that moment. Paul chuckled, and Tess, after a blush or two, giggled a little and turned on Andy: "You never told us you were recording!" Andy didn't respond, and they all strained their ears to try and make out their voices. At that moment, the children were all chattering excitedly, and nothing could be made out, until a boy's voice, which they correctly identified as Andy's, cut across the noise, with: "Tess, what do you wanna be when you grow up?"
The response was forthright and clipped, the typical twelve-year-old that Tess was. "I'm going to have lots and lots of babies and then I'm going to travel the world helping people."
They heard a snort at that, probably Paul, whose unfortunate nickname in those days was Piggy; he had more than his fair share of puppy fat and loved food. His voice sounded like he looked then; as if his mouth was full. "That doesn't make you any money, now, does it? I'm going to make the bestest computer game in the whole world, make lots of money before I get old, and buy an island and live there."
There was a short silence after this, as if they were waiting for someone else to volunteer an opinion. Eventually, Andy piped up. "Worthy ambitions, I think. Me, I'm going to be an M.P, but not like the liars they have now. I'm going to rise to be prime minister and I'm going to sort out this country, so that everyone will have the opportunity to be what they want to be."
They heard more chattering and laughter, again, too muffled to make anything out clearly, but Paul clearly felt that Andy had no chance at all, and Tess thought that they were both being too worldly.
All three were now lost in their own thoughts, as the children continued the argument on the tape. Tess had got interested in Law in her late teens, and with determination and hard work had become a solicitor; a good one, with a high success rate. Babies had given way to ambition, but at the time she figured she wanted the best start for anybody new who came into her life. She had recently been offered a partnership at her firm; to the other two, her life looked perfect; prospects, security, and a good income.
Paul, who had no academic ability to program a video recorder, had become a bit of a wild child in his late teens, mainly caused by his parents breaking up. He had been in trouble countless times, and even had a sojourn in a Young Offenders Institute. Whilst there, a counsellor had taken more interest in him than any of his family ever did, and he joined some local initiative, which mainly involved building brick walls for the council. However, he was taken on by a construction firm, and through a lot of self-belief had worked his way up the ladder of the company to foreman. His work took him all around the world; government buildings in Scotland and Wales; department stores in Europe; even wells in the Third World. He was married now, with two young children, and he was clearly devoted to all of them, with Lisa, his wife, being a trusting rock throughout. He was still stocky, but years of working on construction sites had turned the fat into muscle, and, compared to his tempestuous youth, he was now, seemingly, happy and settled.
Andy, the born leader, had lost interest in politics after watching a biology teacher cut open a rat. The workings of humans, and in particular, animals, grasped his imagination like no other subject. He had worked diligently in all three of the sciences, even Physics, not his strongest subject, and then applied and was accepted to veterinary college. Throughout his twenties he had suffered the three o'clock in the morning call outs and twelve to eighteen hour working days, working his way up to become a respected surgeon, and making enough money to set up his own practise. Life had seemed to treat him well, also.
A voice on the tape broke their reverie. They listened to a voice of a boy they had almost forgotten; he had been about eighteen months older than even the eldest of the other three, and his voice had broken, so it seemed almost out of place amongst the three very youthful voices and the determination in his voice was clear:
"You lot are chasing impossible dreams, why can't you look to do something worthy in your life? I'm gonna do my best at school, which won't be much, but when I'm old enough I'm gonna join the army and kick arse all round the world, fighting for freedom. That, kiddies, is doing something worthwhile."
There was a lot of shouting after that, and Andy had to turn the sound down a little, enough that he could hear Tess gently sobbing.
She caught her breath when she saw Andy looking at her, and sniffed. "Sorry. I didn't like him much then, but he was the only one who followed through, wasn't he?"
Andy didn't reply, and looked across at Paul, and he could have sworn that he had cried a little too. Andy's own eyes were welling up, and he then spoke in barely a whisper: "Nah, I think we all merely tolerated him then, but I grew to like him. He believed in himself so much. He didn't deserve to be killed by some foreign bullet."
"And he died doing what he really wanted to do! We turned out totally different to what those kids on the tape wanted to be!"
"Dying is a high price, too high a price. Aren't we happy, even though we didn't do what our childish imaginations thought we would?"
Andy slapped open a pack of hot dog buns, with the flat of his right hand, a trick he also played opening up packets of syringes. He chucked a bun to each of his friends and poked tentatively at the meat at the end of his fork. He passed his knife around, and Paul decided that his was ready too. Only Tess shook her head, not wanting to throw caution to the wind, or food poisoning, and decided to let hers cook a little more.
When the other two were munching, Tess finally answered.
"No. Well, speaking personally, I'm not happy." she spoke with the same venom she had as a twelve year old, and it was the same voice she used with troublesome clients and opposing solicitors. "Look at me. Yeah, I've got a nice flat, a car, a secure job, a rosy future, or so you two are thinking. I should count my blessings, you're thinking. I'm better off than poor Stuart, who's now lying in the cold ground after mixing himself up in someone else's argument?" She turned over her fork several times, vigorously, the fire spitting fat in protest. "Here I am, my biological clock getting close to running on Double British Summer Time and..." her chest heaved and her voice cracked as a tear fell again. "No babies. I want children. I want them so badly. It's not as if I've not had offers, but my long hours and attention to duty always scares off any potential mate. So, I may have done something that I said all those years ago, help people. I've forgotten the one person who needs help most of all. Me. Bugger, I've fouled up so badly." She picked up Andy's knife and attacked her bread bun so ferociously, that Andy was almost scared.
"What time can you give babies, Tess?" said Paul quietly. Tess opened her mouth to reply and then shut it, as the question sunk in. Paul continued. "I can feel for you, though, really. Well, not like that, I've got kids, and.." he paused as he reached across for the remaining raw sausages and also a can of coke, "Lisa told me this morning there's another on the way."
Both Tess and Andy expressed their congratulations, but Paul remained solemn, holding his hand up to stop them talking, and said, "I, like Tess, can say that I'm not happy either. What time do I have for my kids? Or for Lisa? She's diamond, really, from the start she's tolerated the fact my contracts take me all over the world at barely a moment's notice. She, and the kids, get the best out of my pay packet. She loves me, and trusts me not to get up to any nonsense away from home. And I am faithful. Course I am, she means the world to me, I don't wanna hurt her. But I want more of them, all of them. I want to drive my kids to school. I want to be there to help them with their homework. I want to take them on a holiday for a month and get to know them all. But my damn job, as much as I love it, doesn't allow me more than a week off at a time, and frequently at times when they're at school all day and Lisa works part time too, to get her out of the house, else she'd go stir crazy. Last contract I had, I've just come back from it, I went to France. Buggers gave me twenty four hours notice only. As I walked out the door, I saw Lisa's eyes. Loving, worried, and...something else. That beautiful woman won't say it, cause she's too darn loyal. I know what she's thinking though. She wants me home more as well. Stuck I am. Leave the job, there's no money. But at least I might be fucking happy." He cracked open the coke can and shoved the sausage on the end of his fork with more force than was necessary.
Andy also decided to have another hot dog and opened a can of lager, as Paul was driving, not he. He offered another can to Tess, who shook her head. "Okay, I guess it's my turn. Listening to you two, I can add my sob story to yours." He sorted out his stick barbecue before continuing. "Wife? Kids? I don't think I want either. Oh, Sheila, my on-off girlfriend I think you know, she's okay but I don't think I want to make anything permanent out of it. She used to think it cute when I brought my work home with me, but me getting up every three hours to bottle feed an ailing bunny, there's only so much of that she can stand. I'm thinking of asking her to get out of my life altogether. Nah, though, relationships aren't my problem.
"Sometimes I get cases that break my heart. I had one of them come into the surgery last week. Barely has enough money to feed herself, but her dog is in excellent nick, fresh meat, warm house, lots of walks. Anyway, I have to break the news that her best friend needs an urgent operation else he's going to die, and horribly. She looks at the price tag and has to weigh up whether to starve herself to death, or, as we vets say, do the kindest thing. She's in turmoil, and I want to run screaming out of the place and round to the council and throttle the living hell out of whoever was responsible to allow her to get into this mess. Her pension is an insult, all she cares about is her dog. And her best friend will die, just because the government want to carry on giving themselves pay increases."
"Not quite as simple as that, Andy.." Tess soothed.
"Isn't it? From where I'm sitting it bloody well is. If I were in charge, if I had done what I said I would do all those years ago..." his head slumped and he took a few long breaths.
The tape recorder clicked off. They had forgotten all about it.
"Okay," said Tess, "I've got an idea. Have you any spare tape left, Andy?"
Andy lifted his head and said "I think the other side is blank. Don't know about the quality of it though. Actually, I have another tape in my bag, some mishmash of old music. You want to record something?"
"Yeah. Us."
"Memorial tape?"
"Something more, maybe."
Andy set up the tape recorder and placed it as close to the fire as he would dare, although it wasn't burning very fiercely.
Tess began. "Tess, Andy and Paul. We're going to make a pact, here and now. In twenty years time we're going to reunite, here, if possible, or if the council have sorted this land out by then..."
"Doubt it." said Paul drily, and Andy giggled.
"As close as possible." said Tess with a sigh. "And when we do, we will have made a change to our lives to try and make ourselves happier. So, Paul, what do you want to do with the next twenty years?"
There was a pause, but Paul had obviously been thinking about it for a while. "I'm going to quit my job, or better still, ask if I can be transferred to Head Office and work in admin. Don't look surprised, I'm pretty good with paperwork now. Maybe less money, it's in the City, and it will be a pain commuting, but I will at least see my wife and kids every day. And, best of all, I will get to see my third child born. I was in Dubai for the first and Scotland for the second. I want to hear that first cry and I want to hug my wife. I want to get up for the night feeds and I want to change its nappy. I want everything to do with it. In twenty years I want a happy family with kids that respect their dad, and know what he looks like."
Tess and Andy nodded in approval. Paul and Tess looked at Andy. Andy didn't hesitate: "I'm going to research into becoming a councillor, or at least be a campaigner. I'm going to employ another vet and work only part time. The rest of my time is going to spent fighting the corner for those with no fight left in them. I'm going to pick up those in the gutter and help them onto their feet. I'm going to visit the poor and elderly and treat their pets for free. I'm going to nag the council into improving the lives of those less better off, oh yeah," he chuckled, "I'm gonna give 'em hell. In twenty years," he winked at them, "who knows? Maybe I'll make prime minister."
Tess smiled and turned her face towards the tape recorder. "I'm going to turn down the partnership." There was a gasp of dismay from both of the men, but Tess continued. "Yeah, I'm going to turn it down, and I'm going to tell them why, too. Oh, I'll carry on in my job, but I'll also go about finding a nice man, no rush, but preferably before I'm forty. Then we'll make a baby, and, if I can, I will give up work to bring him or her up. And I'll teach them that dreams are precious and if you really, really want something, don't sacrifice anything in pursuit of it. In twenty years time, I will have fulfilled at least part of my ambition...just maybe there will be more than one child of mine."
There was a long pause, and Andy switched the tape off. "Keep it safe, Andy." said Tess.
"Yeah, I will," he replied, "I'll do better than that, I'll make copies and post them to you."
"No, don't do that. We'll listen to this again, in twenty years, and see if our ambitions have been realised."
Andy nodded in assent, and carefully removed the tape from the player and even put it in a plastic case. He even produced a roll of surgical tape, broke off a bit, and sealed the case. "Not to be opened for twenty years." he said.
The three chatted idly for a time, lost in the thoughts of their futures, chewed hot dogs and drank coke and lager until the last of light disappeared and the embers of the fire turned to ash.
You can read the lyrics of High Hopes here.
